EHarmony Drama Queen

A year or so ago, a co-worker signed me up for eHarmony. He was tired of consoling me on a recent breakup and wanted to help me rebound. Since I’m not one to ever complain or outwardly display much emotion, he saw this as a problem that needed to be dealt with and this was his way.

interracial relationship

Within a month I had a date with a local college student who I met on eHarmony. We started talking online over Valentine’s Day weekend and decided to meet for dinner sometime around the first of March. This looked to be just what the doctor ordered – a beautiful local girl who likes baseball and math and generally just seemed very compatible with me.

We were going to meet at Chili’s and I told her I would wait outside the restaurant for her. So I arrived 15 minutes early and sat down on a bench near the front door and read some news on my iPhone (It was a weeknight so no one else was waiting). 25 minutes later I called her to see where she is. She was inside the restaurant crying because I didn’t stop her on the way in.
Apparently she walked right by, knew I was the one she was looking for, sat down at a table and started crying. Really? I should have given up on her right then. I mean, if she’s causing so much drama over basically nothing, what’s going to happen later?

But, she’s gorgeous and I wanted to give her another chance. Next week we decide to meet at the first baseball game of the season for the local college. She was all excited about it an was texting me all day and then suddenly she had to babysit longer than usual so she wouldn’t be able to come until an hour late. No big deal, I’ll be fine at the ball game by myself. I’ve done it a lot before. An hour and a half later, I call and she says she has to go eat dinner and I ask if I can join her. She says no because she’s just in a crappy mood.

Again, I should have given up because of the flakiness and drama, but no. The next week I offered to cook her dinner because I’m a pretty good cook. So I asked what she wants. Chicken strawberry pie. Not chicken with strawberry pie for dessert, but chicken and strawberry together in a pie. I had never heard of it and my friend who graduated from the Culinary Institute of America hadn’t heard of it. Anyway, I tried to make it and it turned out great and we had a good time. But a little later she pitched another fit about something useless and left with the left over pie. I never saw her again. Since then I have met some more sane people on eHarmony and I can see that it is a good way to meet people.

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Black Women All Alone – Explore Interracial Dating – Poem

Sports figures and the media have downplayed the black woman thus contributing to an increase of lonely single women. This negative image has also led to black women spending too much time sitting around talking about the men they don’t have or the men that mistreat them. They need to spend more time thinking about the men that do appreciate them and all of their great qualities. Some have even turned to overeating, anger, jealously and depression. Others have tried to make the changes that will attract the black man only to be used, abused and disrespected. They have lost interest in focusing on being that beautiful black woman that they are. Black women should widen out in their choices because men of other races find them attractive and can make great partners.
All races should be free to love and share with all of mankind. Everyone deserves to be happy. Find your joy and happiness in diversity. This poem is to encourage black women to recognize their inner and outer beauty and to open their minds and hearts to interracial dating.

interracial-dating

Black Women All Alone

Yes, we are strong black women of color,
And we love and support our black brother.

We need time and attention just like the rest,
We strive each day to survive and do our best.

It is evident that we have been abandoned by men,
They don’t appreciate all we do over and again.

Is it our hair, our skin, our ability to be strong,
We struggle each day to look good and belong.

We straighten, weave and glue on synthetic nails and hair,
They pass by us as if we’re nothing, don’t even look or stare.

I encourage my black sisters to be natural and just be you,
Our black men are deceived and are quite confused.

It is real, we’re alone and the day has arrived,
Even our brothers aren’t helping the black woman survive.

Is it the novelty of choice that leads them astray?
Or is a just a new day and their minds are blinded by the white ray.

No, I am not jealous or envious of their choice,
I am just alone and am expressing my voice.

I cannot deny myself or even you sitting there alone,
All women want to be accepted no matter what the skin tone.

Yes, it’s okay to cry a little and sing the blues,
Just remember it’s the black man that’s going to lose.

We’ve tolerated a lot from centuries long ago,
What a crying shame our black brothers kicked the sisters so low.

Among men of this earth, we must go it alone without a strong muscle,
Take life by the reins, muster up strength to fight and hustle.

Our ancestors would be proud to know we didn’t crumble or take flight,
They would cheer us on to be strong through this tough fight.

Yes, black women are alone but only to a degree,
Our maker will look after us and one day we’ll realize we’re free.

The Basics of Online Dating

Most people claim that you can’t find companionship or love online, and the rest of them claim that you might be able to, but they never had. Well, the truth is, you can find companionship, love, and lasting relationships on the ‘net. And it might not be as hard as you think.

But where to find this elusive thing, and how to master online dating so that you too can have your pick of the lucky ladies and handsome men on the net?

Basics of Online Dating

Where to Look

Don’t expect to sit down in front of your computer, bring up your browser, and instantly have several dates. But you don’t have to spend hours upon hours trying to find one, either.

Dating sites are the most popular way to find companionship. Match.com, e-Harmony.com… there are numerous online dating sites out there. If you’re choosing one, make sure to pick one that has fees you can afford, and has been around since 2002 or earlier.

Many people also try chat rooms to find someone to spend time talking, musing, and laughing with. These chat rooms can be found anywhere online! If you’re an AOL user, they offer a hole plethora of chat rooms for all sorts of interests – political, automobile, and even those looking for a little attention of the opposite sex.

You can also find chat rooms on MySpace, and other popular websites online – or you can use Google’s search engine and look for ‘relationship chat rooms’, or simply ‘chat rooms’.

Ways to Build a Good Profile

With any internet dating site, if you don’t have a good, solid profile, you won’t have much luck. But creating a profile can be harder than some might think, and creating one that others will like… that takes some serious thought.

The first step is to craft a profile – go ahead and make one now. Write about what you think is important, and we’ll go from there. Okay, do you have one down? Look over it… have you forgotten to list your favorite interests? Or that band you love? How about your job, or what you do for fun on a Saturday night.

Put as much detail as you can muster in your profile, and make sure that the person reading it is able to get a sense of who you really are. This is all they have to go by, after all!

Making Conversation

So, you have a profile on a good site, and you’re interested in someone. How can you make good conversation to keep them interested in you, too?

Talk about their interests, and make sure to subtly compliment them – over the top compliments make you seem cheesy, and your compliments seem less than honest. Quiet, easy compliments that make a person feel good – concentrate on those!

Watch the news, and talk about what’s going on in the world. It makes you sound like you know what’s happening, and you’ll learn their views on things as well.

Discuss your interests, and listen to what inspires them. Talk about the future as well as the past, and see if their goals for five, ten, even fifteen years down the road match with yours.

The online dating world is very real, and you can meet people that you would never encounter anywhere else. Real love can be found there, so give it a try!

Interracial Relationships and Social Taboo: I Dated Outside the Race

This is the post excerpt.

At 14, I committed my first social sin. I dated a white boy.
I didn’t think anything of it; I liked him, he liked me, and that was all that mattered. But then I started to notice the expressions on the faces of people we passed on the streets – particularly those of Black women. One woman, in her late 30’s or early 40’s, was even so bold as to voice her disapproval. “I can’t believe she’s with a white boy. They start becoming traitors to the race younger and younger.”

Inter-racial-dating

A traitor to the race? For falling for a white boy?

At 14, I didn’t understand what the big deal was. It was 2002 and Jim Crow and segregation were topics of my history class. I never felt more uncomfortable walking through Downtown Boston than I did when I was with my boyfriend, which was a shame. I should have been happy to be with someone I cared for, but inside I was fearful of being lynched on the Common.

Interracial dating was not something that was new to me. My cousin’s boyfriend was also white, and they had a beautiful baby girl together. And this was in South Carolina, but no one seemed to have a problem with it, considering racial tensions are still high in some parts of the state. So why in Boston, in 2002, was it such an aberration for two people from different races to be together?

I don’t claim to know the answers to this question, because the fact of the matter is, I’m still trying to figure out why it is still an issue. Whatever happened to “love is blind”? Or better yet, when did it become exclusive to love inside the race? And when, if ever, will it be okay for us to step outside of society’s expectations and live for ourselves, and for love, without seeking the approval of others, or fearing their disapproval?

In a study done in 2005, Kara Joyner, the assistant professor of policy analysis and management at Cornell University, found that 45 percent of 18- to 19-year old Hispanics were involved in interracial relationships, while 33 percent of 24- to 25- year old Hispanics were involved in interracial relationships at the start of the 2000’s. Only 20 percent of blacks ages 18 to 19 were involved in interracial relationships, and 14 percent of 24- to 25- year olds were in relationships with a partner outside of the race. Whites were only 16 and 12 percent for these two age groups, respectively.

The gaps in these percentages are staggering. It seems as if as one from any race gets older, they are less likely to date outside of the race. What is the reason for this? It could be that it becomes more clear with age that it is not exactly socially acceptable for a Black man to date a white woman, or for a Black woman to date a Hispanic man. But when you really think about it, it is kind of sad that we could be missing out on the relationship of a lifetime just because the person who just might be “the one” is a member of a different race.

Now, at 18, I am still in an interracial relationship, this time with a Puerto Rican man whom I absolutely adore. If I had limited myself to dating only Black men, I would have missed out on one of the most rewarding experiences of my young life – finding someone who truly loves me and understands me.

I was fortunate enough to learn at a young age that race, skin color or cultural differences should not be the defining factors for a relationship. In the end, all any of us really wants is to find someone that we are compatible with and who makes us happy. Love should be blind, not ignorant, of something that really is, only skin-deep.